Current mood:	apathetic
Current music:	Staind - It's been awhile

metaphorically.
picture playing in a championship basketball game where it seems everything is not going your way. from being the underdogs, to not having home-court advantage. from your team being incomplete to start the game making your starting 5 in the last seconds. even the referees are playing against you. in your mind, you know, this game feels weird.

then the game commences. all these circumstances pile up on you and your team. suddenly you find yourself in a hole, you're down by a big margin. the other team is up 20 to 30 points by the end of the first half. during halftime, you know it's make or break, it's a do or die thing. in you, you know that whatever limit your mind sets; if it says no, you know your heart has no boundaries. so you decide to give everything after the halftime break. your goal is to try to trim down the lead in order to get a close score making winning possible.

during that 3rd quarter of play, you show what you got. what kind of person you are. you keep scoring and continue playing good defense. but the problem is, everything is not going your way. from the calls of referees, to the miss shots your teammates took after you gave them a nice pass. from unforced turnovers to making a simple layup. what do you feel? don't you feel exhausted? you give your all and still you see and feel that every little thing is not going your way and in your mind you know it's not going to, it's never going to. and in that moment you have a choice. a choice of continuing giving your all, knowing what the outcome will be, which is a loss and wasted effort and energy. or just play it out, wait for that buzzer to end knowing that you would and could not have done anything to change the outcome.

don't get me wrong. don't question me about my heart, especially in basketball. when i play basketball, i give my all, 100% and more because i know where i came from. i know that i came from the end of that bench, knowing that i would not have played a lot of my games if i did not step up, use my heart. i started playing with heart, knowing that no one can stop me, no one can beat me and my team. having heart made me a winner in basketball. so don't question my heart.

knowing what i can do with my love and heart for basketball, i would still simply quit, play like it's not a real game. play like it's just some pick-up game. waste time, wait for that buzzer knowing you were saved by the bell. the fact that nothing is going your way is already a factor to be seriously considered. i mean if it isn't there then it isn't. you can't change the outcome. maybe, playing hard will change peoples minds about you but will it change their minds about who won the game. will playing hard and losing make you a winner. the fact that FATE and EVERYTHING else including the other team is against and doesn't like you makes a good point of just simply quitting. quit on the game you love, quit on the game of love. just play out the game, knowing there will be better. hoping there will be better.

the sad thing is, i'm losing to someone younger than me.

so here i am saying... i quit. i'm gonna play this one out until it's over. i feel everything is against me, including the trophy and championship. the trophy is even showing me that she doesn't want me and it's just teasing me, telling me to do my best, knowing exactly i want it. and i, a fool for its aura, knowing exactly it wants some other team to win it.

edit.

i'm not stupid.